Last week. The lab.
The docs at UCSF who I don't plan to see again ordered a sputum test. Dr. Wendy reminded me that she's also ordered one months ago when this all began. I hadn't done it because we thought the bronchoscopy washings would be a better test of the same thing. Four weeks later the washing didn't tell us much but I never went back to the sputum test. So, after my 3 week birthday break, I focused to complete this test.
It involved tickling my lungs until I coughed up some phlegm from the deeper places and then spitting it into a sterile cup. Three cups, three days in a row, then drive it to the lab before the weekend would make it too old to use.
The lab is in a set of professional buildings that cluster around the Petaluma hospital and they all look alike. I'd been there several times, so I'd self-confidently & unthinkingly left the address at home. I couldn't find it. I wandered around for awhile and finally borrowed a phone book from the volunteers at the hospital reception desk, got the address and, eventually, there it was.
Dr. Peterson, who I am seeing again, ordered a blood test for a Galactomannan level*, so I asked if I could do that too. The only staff person who was in the lab had never heard of the test. He consulted his procedure books between phone calls and whatever else he was doing. Eventually, he called someone in another office and asked him. That person said he'd research it and call back. Did I want to wait?
It was a beautiful warm day, I was coasting on sweet birthday wishes, and I had a good book. I said I'd wait. Eventually, the lab guy found out that I'd need to get a special kit from the doctor in Berkeley. Listening, standing at the counter, I saw my sterile sputum cups sitting behind the desk rather than being in the refrigerator. When I pointed this out, the guy lazily assured me they were fine there, that he'd put it away in a minute. That was the end of my lazy warm birthday kind of a day.
It was not fine with me,
--waiting was not fine,
--not knowing that I needed a kit was not fine,
-- forgetting that I needed this test for three weeks was not fine,
--relying on someone I didn't know to take care of my test samples was not fine.
None of it was fine with me!
"I've gone to a lot of trouble to do this test and I'd like that to be in a refrigerator," I said.
He got up and put the samples in the back -- probably in the refrigerator, but who knows? The guy in the other office was going to FAX something more about the test kit. After ten minutes with no FAX, I left.
I left, ready to take charge of my life with Fred again, ready to make lists, plan ahead, make multiple commitments, stay on top of it, push for what I want and get though tasks efficiently.
I need this warm lazy birthday pleasure now and then and I love the people who gathered around me to give me such a memorable experience of it. I need to keep that available and visit it regularly. I would be an idiot to forget it in a trance of productivity.
I've never known anything like it in quality and quantity. It's like we built an island I can visit by simply turning around and taking a step to one side. It's a solid place that I've spent my life looking for through a veil of mist and fog. I've had magical moments when the mist cleared, I found a boat and, for a few hours or (once or twice) for a few days, I was able to visit. But I've never known how to recognize it from afar, where the boat is stowed and how easy it is to sail there.
As I walked through the sunshine to my car, the call of Fred and other projects were part of the warmth and pleasure of the day. I turned the key in my car and it blinked about an empty gas tank. I expect my sixties to be a decade with some physical and emotional energy. I want to spend it in service to myself and the world. It's time to refocus and take up the sprint.
-------------------------
*Detection of galactomannan in blood is used to diagnose invasive aspergillosis infections in humans. This is performed with monoclonal antibodies in a double-sandwich ELISA assay from Bio-Rad Laboratories was approved by the FDA in 2003 and is of moderate accuracy.
Showing posts with label emotions. Show all posts
Showing posts with label emotions. Show all posts
Sunday, October 4, 2009
Tuesday, August 25, 2009
Friends, Appointments and Food
The Iva Jones' Chinese kick-out-the-virus herb seems to be working. I have less congestion, haven't had a fever since a few days before I started it, and my upper chest is not so tight. On the other hand, I've developed a rough cough that brings up phlegm from somewhere down in the chest and a nasty allergy headache above my left eye. The headache is probably my usual seasonal allergy.
Yesterday, I spent off and on the phone:
1. trying to get a referral to Berkeley Pulmonalogy at Alta Bates hospital in time to secure the appointment they were holding for me.
2. trying to push the river of the UCSF Pulmonalogy system.
I was unsuccessful at both but, today, several things happened because of all that.
My very-long-time friend, Shanti Soule, came in the morning and we went to Oliver's, a great local grocery, for supplies. Then, she cooked up a storm of delicious healthy food. She's a nutritionist and professional who cooked for many years at a cancer retreat center-- in short an expert. As she chopped, stirred and roasted, she coached me on the phone calls and listened to my tale of woe.
By the end of the day, I had two flat cake pans of chicken enchiladas (no cheese) with homemade salsa and two loaves of nutty grain burger. It's all tasty and freezable. I also learned how to use cashew butter in a sauce and that anise and lavender are easy herbs for lung health.
This morning I got my two appointments with the two pulmonalogists, both on Sept 8, and finally, finally, finally was able to talk to a nurse, Linda, at the UCSF Chest and Allergy Clinic who gave me tips to make best use of that appointment. The films from the X-Ray and CT Scan should be in Di-Com compatible format, for instance. Who would know?
I also talked to Meri Hayos who runs a Complementary and Alternative Cancer Support Group at the Women's Cancer Resource Center. She's been on vacation but it was worth waiting for the conversation. She gave me the names of two Chinese medicine cancer specialists. One of them has had success with dogs smelling for lung cancer and works in Marin County. She introduced the idea of doing consultations with some of these alternative experts, rather than signing up for a string of expensive appointments and trying to pick the absolutely perfect alternative health practitioner. She listened and, although she didn't have concrete answers to my big questions, it was a warm and fuzzy comfort.
I can hear my friend Grain, "But, what were your big questions?"
Thank you, Grain, for asking the best questions and putting your wisdom into my thoughts.
The Big Questions: How much time, money and energy should I expend on this on a day-to-day basis? When should I stop doing everything else in my life and concentrate on finding answers and healing? And, what's the balance between the western medicine and other approaches?
Grain's husband, Michael Cohen, did some research for me in the past week and got recommendations from his friend at the Harvard Medical Center too.
There's much more going on than I can talk about on the blog. And, sometimes I feel a bit exposed when I realize everything I write here can be read by anyone who wants. My energy level is staying strong. I hope the same for you.
Yesterday, I spent off and on the phone:
1. trying to get a referral to Berkeley Pulmonalogy at Alta Bates hospital in time to secure the appointment they were holding for me.
2. trying to push the river of the UCSF Pulmonalogy system.
I was unsuccessful at both but, today, several things happened because of all that.
My very-long-time friend, Shanti Soule, came in the morning and we went to Oliver's, a great local grocery, for supplies. Then, she cooked up a storm of delicious healthy food. She's a nutritionist and professional who cooked for many years at a cancer retreat center-- in short an expert. As she chopped, stirred and roasted, she coached me on the phone calls and listened to my tale of woe.
By the end of the day, I had two flat cake pans of chicken enchiladas (no cheese) with homemade salsa and two loaves of nutty grain burger. It's all tasty and freezable. I also learned how to use cashew butter in a sauce and that anise and lavender are easy herbs for lung health.
This morning I got my two appointments with the two pulmonalogists, both on Sept 8, and finally, finally, finally was able to talk to a nurse, Linda, at the UCSF Chest and Allergy Clinic who gave me tips to make best use of that appointment. The films from the X-Ray and CT Scan should be in Di-Com compatible format, for instance. Who would know?
I also talked to Meri Hayos who runs a Complementary and Alternative Cancer Support Group at the Women's Cancer Resource Center. She's been on vacation but it was worth waiting for the conversation. She gave me the names of two Chinese medicine cancer specialists. One of them has had success with dogs smelling for lung cancer and works in Marin County. She introduced the idea of doing consultations with some of these alternative experts, rather than signing up for a string of expensive appointments and trying to pick the absolutely perfect alternative health practitioner. She listened and, although she didn't have concrete answers to my big questions, it was a warm and fuzzy comfort.
I can hear my friend Grain, "But, what were your big questions?"
Thank you, Grain, for asking the best questions and putting your wisdom into my thoughts.
The Big Questions: How much time, money and energy should I expend on this on a day-to-day basis? When should I stop doing everything else in my life and concentrate on finding answers and healing? And, what's the balance between the western medicine and other approaches?
Grain's husband, Michael Cohen, did some research for me in the past week and got recommendations from his friend at the Harvard Medical Center too.
There's much more going on than I can talk about on the blog. And, sometimes I feel a bit exposed when I realize everything I write here can be read by anyone who wants. My energy level is staying strong. I hope the same for you.
Tuesday, August 11, 2009
Exacerbation Rumination
Oh, I love that title. Love the way it rolls off my tongue.
I love the idea of ruminating in words, but can't do it now.
My shoulder hurts from the computer work I've already
done today.
I've been having fevers again. Three in the last 5 days.
Last night I was changing into clean pants to go to square
dance club and sat down on the side of my bed with one pair
of jeans half off, realizing I was too weak to go. Shelley hugged
me and diagnosed the fever. It hovers around 100 degrees,
so no immediate crisis, but another evening spent in my chair
instead of in the dance hall. More asthma, less lung space.
Concern.
Now, rather than ruminate, chew my cud and fall into the
world of emotional exploration, I'm going to do some dishes,
eat lunch and check on a doctor appointment.
I love the idea of ruminating in words, but can't do it now.
My shoulder hurts from the computer work I've already
done today.
I've been having fevers again. Three in the last 5 days.
Last night I was changing into clean pants to go to square
dance club and sat down on the side of my bed with one pair
of jeans half off, realizing I was too weak to go. Shelley hugged
me and diagnosed the fever. It hovers around 100 degrees,
so no immediate crisis, but another evening spent in my chair
instead of in the dance hall. More asthma, less lung space.
Concern.
Now, rather than ruminate, chew my cud and fall into the
world of emotional exploration, I'm going to do some dishes,
eat lunch and check on a doctor appointment.
Subscribe to:
Comments (Atom)
